I'm just not your segment

I cook and clean
the whole day
only to be told
I don't work

I stay awake
while my husband rests
rocking the baby
calming him to my best

they say I don't work
those women in high heels
they feel sad for me
confined to my home

they tap away on their laptops
think they are smart
they feel women should now STOP
being a mother or a doting wife

they say anybody can do
what I can do
I have no special skills
yet they complain

how hard it is to find
someone who can love
someone who is patient
someone who is sacrificing

isn't it obvious
who lacks the skills?
I don't judge them
so why do they?!

They choose a black coat
over a blue and yellow apron
they choose endless reports
while I chose endless nights

we are both women
in our right
we are both strong
in our heart

so don't look at me
and feel sad
in your words
I'm just not your segment

It's not my right to 'END'

I look at myself
in the mirror
I see in me
someone I don't like

Soon I'm hysterically laughing
ha ha ha HA HA HA
and slowly, ever so slowly
my laughter becomes gulps

gulps of tears
gulps of screams
gulps of desperation
as I tear my face and hair

I glance up and see the razor
why not?
Why not end it?
I reach out for it

like it's my only savior
I hold it above my wrist
'Do it! Do it!'
chants my sick mind

but damn the razor
it's shaking so badly
I slump on the floor
'What a looser, you can't even
kill yourself' my mind mocks

but I didn't do it
I didn't
for I remembered
there is my Lord

and I would never forsake Him
I will wait for my life to end
but I will never take it

I will bear my pain
the loss of my loved one
the nightmares of the dark

but I will never take my life
for it is not mine
to give
or to end

Thank you papa, for all the times...

Dear Father
You held me when
I still didn't know
you were my daddy

I don't know when
I called you daddy
I only know
that you adored me,

your baby

You got me toys
and books
you got me a doll
and lolly pop

You hated my friends
for we used to be a 'gang'
you told me always
"You're intelligent!"

You never doubted me
even though I doubted myself
You called me your 'Princess'
and treated me like a queen

as I grew you said you would freeze me
and put me in the showroom
At times you said
you will carry me around in a suitcase
feed me through the holes


I used to laugh and think 'he's mad'
only today I smile
to know I was loved like mad
by my darling papa

I love you my daddy
for all the moments in my life
all the moments when you scolded me
showed me the right path
all the moments when I scolded you
and told you to leave me alone

for all the moments you were patient with me
for all the times you still opened your arms
when I returned home, defeated and heart broken
for all the times...

For all the times

My tiny gift from God

I hold her in my arms
and look at her tiny face
she peeps open her eyes
I find my eyes go moist

I hold her close to my heart
and gently feel her cheek
she is so tiny
and so soft

she blinks
and so does my heart
I play with her fingers
she holds on to them

she doesn't speak yet
but her eyes
and her hands
tell me

she will my little doll
who will soon be walking
and talking
she will be my little monster
who will make me run
helther skelther

she will be my headache
and make me patrol her room
she will be my support
when I would least expect it

She will adore me
she will trouble me
she will hate me
she will love me

As I hold her close
I feel her heart beside mine

I look at her with wonder
for here I finally hold
my darling daughter

delicate as a flower
lovely as a rainbow
tiny as a sparrow
filling my world
with untold happiness

I'm Sorry

My dilemma hits me hard
Should I or Should I not
call you
to say 'Yes'

Everytime I take a step forward
My fears hold me back
You wait there patiently
your eyes encouraging me

You promise me not
days without hardships
or petty squabbles
or pillow fights

You promise me the one thing
I long for my life
friendship
companionship

I am tired of walking
the lanes of this life
alone

I am tired of sharing myself
with different people
only to start over
once again

Yes
I truly want to take your hand
and give you myself
and as I take the first step

I wake up from my dream
shaking with fear
with uncertainity

will I be a good wife?
will I make you happy?
May be one day
you will get up

and leave me

May be one day you will say
"You never did enough"
"You deserve more, go, you're free"
"Goodbye"

These thoughts haunt me
and I'm sorry
I'm sorry to say
they are more powerful

than your silent patient heart