I wonder why?

I wonder why
I married you
I wonder why
I actually married you

what is the security I felt
in our friendship
or what is the fear
of a traditionally unhappy marriage

what is that I wanted to do what I wanted to do
and I knew you would let me do
what I wanted to do

or what is that I really liked you
and may be even loved you
or may be respected you

or what is the opposite?
that you liked me
and fact be known
I liked you liking me.

and may be if not today
a day will come when
I will find myself
liking you...

Foes and Friends

Once again I find myself lost
on the many roads of this world
I told myself a million times
never would I falter from the right road

Yet at every turn I take
There stands the tempting thorns
How crazy am I to walk over them
and then cry over my bleeding feet

Will I never be perfect as I wish?
Do I really have to commit any sin
Does one have to kill someone to be bad?
Isn't just not doing your duty terrible enough?

Lost, Restless, Scared have become my friends
My enemies have become my friends
Would that I never went through this
but then how would I appreciate faith, courage and persistance

That is what I want
whom I want
so the next time a few words flow
they shall be for my friends and not enemies

Fear

The day starts with a fear
will I be good today or bad
I try to stop the tear
that makes the soul sad

Why a sudden loss of control
the determination drained almost
I wish there was a police patrol
that would monitor my lost

They say I have become old
to know what I ought to do
yet unknow to them i'm sold
to my impluses, restlessness and so

I know am not that bad
but I am not to my very best
It is that constant gap that i dread
for I see the expectations in the rest

The day starts with the fear so known
Will myself again be disowned?