My dear husband

I see my husband
I see happiness
I hug him close
and plant an affectionate kiss on his cheek

He looks up to me
a look that says
you have lite my world
with a thousand bright lights

I splash water at him
even run away from him
he runs after me
and we end up laughing

where... I cannot tell

I look at my husband
and really ask myself
"Is he really mine?"
"Is this a dream?"

and when at times we disagree
and have our famous altercations
I realise
yes,

He is truly mine
to hold and to love
to punch and to dodge
to be filled with an emotion so great
that a word is yet to define

but he fills up all my veins
and this feeling
I can never describe...

Caught in my own trap

I am at crossroads
I am trapped in my own game
I said x to some
now I have to say y to others

yet when they all come together
they shall come to know
both x and y version
of my life

I have dug up this grave
now I have to lie in it
I thought I would get away with it
but now I have to face it

So many people
So many different things
What is it that I believe
should I come out in the open and spill

I am just frustrated with this situation
trying to make one party happy
while the other suffers
yet I am not sure who is more important to me

This society and man made laws
Its people and their various notions
All so crazy and all so dawdy
To hell with them all

I will do what I feel right!

the problem is....

I don't know what is right

I wonder why?

I wonder why
I married you
I wonder why
I actually married you

what is the security I felt
in our friendship
or what is the fear
of a traditionally unhappy marriage

what is that I wanted to do what I wanted to do
and I knew you would let me do
what I wanted to do

or what is that I really liked you
and may be even loved you
or may be respected you

or what is the opposite?
that you liked me
and fact be known
I liked you liking me.

and may be if not today
a day will come when
I will find myself
liking you...

I am

I am
what I am
and what I am
at times I wish were not I am

I loose my temper
and tell the other
how dare you speak to me this way
yet for a stranger

it does not matter who is right or wrong
but the one who is mad
red and hot
is the one who is senseless

I am becomes senseless
and that is not what I am should be
so I am become quite
and people ask me

am I angry
while I am silent
to make me even more angry
and I feel like resorting

Can't you see I am quite
then why are you asking me if I am angry!
oh how much patience it takes to control
my anger

I feel like bursting into tears
just leave me alone
all of you
let me be alone

and let me be at peace

Is it me?
Is it I who can't handle anger
or am I justified to say
that the people around me
make accusations at me
snide remarkds
sacarsism

am I not rightfully right
to become angry?
and then I dislike these people
yet they are related to me

so unfortunately
I can't give a cold shoulder
I have to live with them
under the same roof
and bear their 'Are you angry'
while I am quite and indifferent to them

I am right now
troubled
and harrassed
emotionally

one by who chooses to ignore me
second by who accuses me for her carelessness
third by my indifference to what people expect from me

and so I choose
to be quite
and I choose not to talk
and not to meet
so that i do not confront
people whom I have hurt
or who have hurt me

and who think
I am
a looser, a liability and a hot head filled with hot air
who can't see any sense
and takes things too sensitively

well
I am can become
you don't have to bother what I am
I am is independent and can be any day
you don't need to talk to my head
or listen to what I air
no opportunity for you to reason with me
and no contact with your character to make me sensitive

as much as I would like that
I am afraid it cant be
I guess I have to bear their attitudes
like I said
Unfortunately,
they are related to me.