Time to look ahead

Every time I turn to my side
I hope to find him
yet he has as always
never been there

This heart is so insane
despite all these
it still waits
for him to catch up

catch up for what?
to lag behind again?
I stand here with plenty of choices
with the hands of men

good and wonderful
offering me their companionship
promising me
a lasting friendship

I look at them
and wonder why
I still look behind
to see if he'll come by

He has never
and will he ever?
today I regret
giving the power over myself

to someone
as kind and gentle he may be
yet to give another
the right to hurt... hurts

It's a feeling one cannot control
for how can how control
their breathing?
or their heart beats?

Again I tell myself
It's time to stop
It's time to stop looking behind
and time

to look ahead