It's not my right to 'END'

I look at myself
in the mirror
I see in me
someone I don't like

Soon I'm hysterically laughing
ha ha ha HA HA HA
and slowly, ever so slowly
my laughter becomes gulps

gulps of tears
gulps of screams
gulps of desperation
as I tear my face and hair

I glance up and see the razor
why not?
Why not end it?
I reach out for it

like it's my only savior
I hold it above my wrist
'Do it! Do it!'
chants my sick mind

but damn the razor
it's shaking so badly
I slump on the floor
'What a looser, you can't even
kill yourself' my mind mocks

but I didn't do it
I didn't
for I remembered
there is my Lord

and I would never forsake Him
I will wait for my life to end
but I will never take it

I will bear my pain
the loss of my loved one
the nightmares of the dark

but I will never take my life
for it is not mine
to give
or to end

Never Again

Whether you come
and beg on your knees
I will close my heart
and turn my heel

You think of me
like an option to click
I'm a person
not a commodity to pick

At every point of time
since I met you
you treated me so
I smiled and forgave

and took all the pain
you are not to blame
see how I defend you
silly am- oh wait

you already know right?
I knew it was wrong
wrong wrong wrong
but as usual

I succumbed to my whims
now go away
leave me alone
I'm tired

truly tired this time
I have nothing for you
nothing you need anyways
then why do you even want

to know where I am
go go go
leave me in peace
for that's all I need

Peace

The little bird has fallen

I bow my head
sad at my plight
the jihad I want to win
I keep loosing

Today I went
and how I went
unprepared
The paper lay infront of me

doubts poured in
I had not done my practise
what is this or that
or what was it? I asked

I went then
to say I never did
make the report
only to told

Forget it
Didn't I try?
then why again
why again

do I keeping falling down
I don't want to fall
I want to fly
fly high, fly wide

yet, again
I fall down
I cry for I don't know how
this broken wing will mend

where will I get
those kind gentle words
where will I get
that strong warm arms

where will I get
those eyes that tell me
"You are going to make it"
"You will make it"

Oh how, I miss them two
I may have grown
but my heart remains small
I want to be held

and wrapped in warmth
I want to feel secure
and to feel loved
to see them both

to hear them both
mom and dad
my strength and courage
far away.. far far away

this tiny bird has fallen
and no one is there
to say 'get up
Its ok to fall'